Persisting in the Thick of Resistance
Being brave, getting unstuck, and beholding the beauty in the process.
Hello lovely readers! How are you today? How’s your week? It’s been a mixed bag over here, but that’s life, isn’t it? Things are mainly looking up after some tumultuous weather raged, both outside in the physical world and inside my creative self. It’s made me think a lot about the word persistence, and how things come into being, whether it’s a piece of art or beautiful flower. Read on for this week’s essay and leave me a comment if you feel like it resonated. Thank you for reading and being here!
PERSISTENCE: Firm or obstinate continuance in a course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition. The continued or prolonged existence of something. (Source: Oxford Languages)
Last week, I uttered the unthinkable words aloud: “I want to quit my memoir.” I had never felt such a visceral discomfort in my body, a simultaneous feeling of paralysis that made me feel completely stuck and sense of panic in which I found that I could neither fight nor flight. When that feeling thawed, self-doubt reared its ugly head, snarling You can’t do this. Just give up. Think of the relief.
And then, some words of comfort and inspiration arrived via my writing instructor Rachael Herron’s newsletter. She was talking about interviewing writers about how they get unstuck and summed up their sentiments thusly:
“Getting unstuck means being brave. And being brave just means taking a very, very, very small action toward a new outcome. (And it’s never easy.)”
I remembered back to when I took Rachael’s 90 Days to Done class back in January 2022, during which time I wrote the first draft of my memoir, all 90,000 words. At the beginning of the class, she had us write down our motivation for writing the book. When I opened my notebook to see what I had written, I discovered that everything I wrote is still true.
I want to write this book because it’s what I am meant to create, the burning in my heart tells me so. I want to tell more personal stories and use my words to serve others. I want to reignite my love for writing outside paid assignments and rediscover the potential for joy that it brings. I want to be a published author.
I had forgotten that she had asked us two additional questions: What is the emotional cost to me if I don’t write this book? What will I give up in order to write this book? My handwritten responses to those questions still ring true, too.
The emotional cost is great. It is a test to myself to write this memoir, to know that I am worthy, of the time, talent, and energy it takes. Abandoning it feels like forgetting myself.
I need to give up fear of failure. To release the need for control to have it all figured out. I need to relinquish the squeeze of perfectionism. I need to give up being afraid to ask for help and support.
I believe that asking ourselves these types of questions and answering them honestly is a way for us to connect to our purpose and our emotional truth, the thing that is lodged in our heart of hearts, yearning to be unearthed. When I posted about my struggles on Instagram Stories last week, so many people responded saying it resonated for them or that they needed to hear the advice to take a very small step toward a new outcome, whether it was in the context of starting a new business, parenting, or continuing to live in a particular city. When we connect to our motivation and identify just one small action we can take, it charts a path of persistence that keeps us steadfast in the face of obstacles.
I returned to the word persistence over the weekend when my mom, my daughter, Ava, and I paid a visit to Happy Hollow to go for a hike and check out the annual blooming of azaleas. We’d intended to check the flowers’ progress the week before, but between visiting family and whipping rain and gusting winds that were so strong, it caused a tree limb to crash onto our front porch, we were delayed. But that was okay, because the azaleas were still there, and they were glorious.
What a sight to behold! Rounding the corner from the parking lot and meandering along the wooden pathway over the creek, then coming upon the blossoms crowding over the railing, waving to show off their full spring regalia in bursts of magenta, cherry, pink, white, salmon, and coral. Ava scrambled ahead to pick up fallen blossoms so she could collect one of every specimen to bring home and put in water.
I was equally struck by the azaleas that had not yet bloomed, whose buds remained tight but poised to unfurl when the time is right, and not a moment sooner. It reminds me that my time, too, is coming. I don’t need to compare myself to what’s blooming around me, or to the impossible ideals and expectations I set for myself on where I think I should be. I can trust the process and continue taking small steps, even in the face of obstacles, which are often things that are outside my control anyway. I can have faith knowing that my story is still unfolding and that there is beauty to behold in that.
Memoir Updates
After receiving insightful and thoughtful feedback from my writing group on my first 25 pages, I’m experimenting with tweaking the opening chapters. The consensus was that after an excellent first chapter that hooked the reader and set up the theme and journey of the book, too much backstory followed, which essentially left the reader hanging and confused (and possibly bored?!). Even though some of these chapters, including the ones about my early motherhood days, are ones that I’m attached to and connect in some way to my story, they do not serve the narrative arc for this particular book. I’ll experiment with sprinkling in scenes here and there since they are still connected to my themes of appetite and nourishment, but they might also be best served as being published as part of an essay. This week, I’ve just been taking small steps each day, reading pages, journaling, and doing some deep thinking work, trusting that my next steps and clarity will surface.
Published Articles & Media Appearances
What Is Vermouth? And How to Use the Three Main Types
For this deep dive into vermouth for Food Network, I interviewed Katie Button and Félix Meana of Katie Button Restaurants. I’ll never forget dining at Cúrate during my first visit to Asheville nearly five years ago and sampling vermouth, including one that they had on tap. Since then, I’ve enjoyed using vermouth as a mixer for cocktails like Manhattans and Negronis, but I’m loving it even more as a lower ABV sipper in spritz form or on the rocks.
I actually never knew that grenadine is made from pomegranates, and this discovery makes me want to try making my own grenadine at home. For this Food Network article, I interviewed Amanda Liebrich, a super cool bartender who I met at Glass Light Restaurant during my recent trip to Norfolk, Virginia, and who shares the team’s grenadine recipe in the story. She is also the founder of the cocktail pop-up Drink Like A Girl which is just the coolest.
Books, Bites & Beverages
Books: If you take one book recommendation from me this year, this is it: The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love by Sonya Renee Taylor. I’ve had this book in my possession for some time and finally picked it up last week. It is so powerful and exactly what I need to read right now, particularly as I work through themes of body image, shame, and not enoughness in my own writing. This line detonated like a truth bomb in my brain: “The voice of doubt, shame, and guilt blaring in our heads is not our voice. It is a voice we have been given by a society steeped in shame. It is the “outside voice.” Our authentic voice, our “inside voice,” is the voice of radical self-love!” Imagine what might be possible, how our views would change, if we stopped silencing our inner voice and instead embraced it as truth?
Bites: If my camera roll is any indication, I’ve been eating especially well as of late. A perfect pizza always hits the spot, especially when it’s a lovely cheese pizza (just for me) eaten al fresco by the water. This wood-fired Margherita is from The Bakehouse at Chelsea and features a beautifully tangy tomato sauce, fresh mozzarella, basil, Parmigiano Reggiano and EVOO on an amply blistered, cheetah-spotted crust (shout out to Hannah Lee Leidy for the rec via Instagram. I love when food people share their local faves!).
Beverages: I’ve been inspired to make more cocktails at home lately and was craving something light and refreshing to sip on the porch. A Google search to see what I could make with gin, Campari, Cointreau, and lemon juice revealed a cocktail called the Jasmine. I loved how tart it was while still balancing the botanicals, bitters, and the warming notes of the aromatic orange liqueur. 10/10 will make again.
Love the analogy of the buds not flowering a moment too soon. So often I am impatient wanting to be further along in my journey than I am. But it’s important to sit with myself until I am ready to bloom!