Hello lovely readers! I hope that you are all doing as well as can be in this moment, whether it’s recovering from holiday overload, resting up in the run-up to the new year, or anticipating time off. I hope that this year brought you moments of peace and quite contentment, and that you can steal a few more moments before the year’s end to reflect. Perhaps this issue’s essay will inspire ways that you can take stock and count your blessings. Thank you for reading and being here!
RETROSPECTION: the action of looking back on or reviewing past events or situations, especially those in one’s own life. (Source: Oxford Languages)
I love the idea of looking back at year’s end, especially since it is often just a blip filled with best of lists before we all turn our focus on the new year ahead. I am thinking of the new year too, but since I pick a new word at the start of each year, I thought I’d first review this past year through the lens of my word for 2023: fearless.
I chose to try releasing myself from fear in the sense of not letting it hold me back. It meant taking risks in my professional pursuits and not letting old fears of failure stop me in my tracks. I put myself out there through guest appearances on Here @ Home, a local lifestyle TV show (that’s me and co-host Natalie Faunce pictured above), pitched several of my dream outlets (one of them said yes!), and started this newsletter. Wielding a pair of gold-handled scissors, I cut and pasted and retyped my entire memoir manuscript, cutting it from 90,000 words to 65,000 words, then went through several rounds of revision to get it to around 72,000. All of these actions brought me into closer alignment with what I believe is my purpose: to serve others with my words.
Retrospection also offers us the gift of gratitude. In looking back, we can count our blessings from the people and places and experiences that left their mark, further refining the way we see ourselves and others, and ultimately shaping what we consider possible. For me this meant beach trips to North Topsail Beach for precious family time and ocean energy, celebrating my James Beard Award nomination in Chicago, trips to NYC to connect with friends and family and fill my cup, and returning to Paris and finding that I also returned to a part of myself. It also meant forging friendships and tending to the roots that anchor me to my local creative community.
I was fearless in practicing asking for what I want and honoring what I need. And I was quickly humbled when I strayed from that practice. Looking back, I can see that we will never be free from fear, because fear is often rooted in what once kept us safe, so it is a lifelong challenge to realign our actions with our current values, beliefs, and needs. Sometimes this means paring back, other times it means seeking more joy, even when one action is at odds with the other.
When I retrace my steps and actions this year, I see that I found new ways to invest in myself, my craft, and my well-being. I took more artist dates, signed up for writing workshops, worked with new editors and mentors, and prioritized showing up for my writing group. I got my tarot cards read and continued to embrace my own inner light. I bought a pair of trail shoes and started hiking. And I hired a personal trainer, not because I felt less than or because I want to be more, but because I am finally meeting myself where I am.
One takeaway I hope to carry into 2024 is this: a big part of being fearless is simply continuing to show up. Show up for yourself and the people and causes that matter to you. That means to keep trying even when it’s hard, embrace failure as a means of success, and accept that you are enough just as you are.
Memoir Updates
In keeping with the retrospection theme, being fearless this past year made me confront myself on the page in new ways and to own more of my story. To not devalue or invalidate my experiences. To not fear how I might be judged in writing a memoir—this has been a gradual and necessary shift, to separate “me” from the “protagonist me.” The character on the page has a story that has the power to make others feel seen, and that is because it is inherently a personal narrative. A lot of my story has to do with my relationship to food, body, and self-worth. Ultimately, I hope that it will inspire the reader to question and redefine how they want to nourish themselves and honor their hungers in a way that goes well beyond the food on their plate. And hopefully my memoir will give them the language to do so.
Published Articles & Media Appearances
REVIEW: All Things Edible, Random and Odd: Essays on Grief, Love & Food by Sheila Squillante
For Hippocampus Magazine I reviewed this lyrical, thoughtful, and thoroughly original collection of essays by Sheila Squillante. I especially loved how the author wrote her recipes, threading in anecdotes into the ingredient lists and weaving her personal narrative into the instructions.
If You Love ‘The Gilded Age,’ Bring This Cookie to Your Swap
This was another fun assignment for Food Network that was tied to the HBO show The Gilded Age. I’m endlessly fascinated by the people—be they producers, food historians, or cookbook authors—who dive deep into a passion or subject and can spout off incredible knowledge and tidbits about a time period. For this one, I interviewed Becky Libourel Diamond, author of The Gilded Age Cookbook: Recipes and Stories from America's Golden Era, who shared her recipe for Chocolate Macaroons, an elegant yet easy three-ingredient cookie recipe that I think should be in steady rotation.
Books, Bites & Beverages
Books: I just finished The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store by James McBride and I highly recommend it! From a craft perspective, it is a master class in setting and staying in scene and using that as a tool for world-building that also offers rewarding payoff for the reader. Next up in my TBR (To Be Read) pile: Hot Springs Drive by Lindsay Hunter, a thriller that I discovered through Roxanne Gay’s newsletter and book club. I only glanced at one of the book club emails Ms. Gay sent out, but this line totally hooked me and convinced me to buy the book: “One of my favorite aspects of Lindsay Hunter’s writing is how she engages with the body, carnal impulses, insatiable hunger.” (This is the third title from Roxanne Gay Book’s inaugural list.)
Bites: My husband Matt and I were long overdue for a date night so we did one of our favorite combo dinner dates: drinks at Sidecar followed by pizza and Italian fare at Fortunato. You can’t go wrong with any of their pies, featuring an amply charred and spotted crust with an ideal crisp-chew texture, but our fave is the Speck & Fennel, topped with Panna, Speck, fennel, Scarmoza, and honey. It all adds up to a salty, funky, cheesy bite chased by a hint of sweetness.
Beverages: I am a believer that spritz season should be year round. The Italian wine aperitif shouldn’t only be reserved for summer’s drink du jour, the Aperol Spritz. There are plenty of creative iterations that can be turned out with the combination of sparkling wine, bitters and/or aperitifs, and soda, and I like that they’re not too boozy. Two recent numbers I enjoyed were an apple cider inspired sipper that made an ideal opener to dinner at OTH Chophouse, and the Fortunato Spritz, made with Amaro Nonino, sparkling Malvasia, and orange, which paired perfectly with the aforementioned pizza.
It's so beautiful to continue to watch your journey unfold Layla! Sending you❤️ xo Carla